Archive for March, 2012
The Lard moves in mysterious ways
The Probe can confirm that St.Ink is out of his dank crypt and preaching forgiveness. He wants everybody to forgive him, again!!
“I saw the light”. He said when the church roof collapsed. “Then I heard from above that my wealthy friend Andy A Hole was alive. Hallelujah I screamed, as I clambered over the rubble to the street above. At that moment, I reached out for the Lard with both hands while anointing myself with the Only Sauce. Inkstantly my dank days passed over and I swore, from this day forth, that it’s the land of milk and money for me, now and forever. Ink ink”.
A Midnight Mass will take place around the remains of the Church of St.Ink. Now renamed as, ‘The Little Swollen Primordial Mound of St.Ink’. St.Ink prophesied that collection plates will be passed round at the mass. He also said, “Anybody with anything to give is welcome”.
The Hells Aliens Ride Out
Even before the dust had settled from the collapsing church. All but one of the Hells Aliens had made a bigger dust cloud behind them, as they hoofed it over to Slack D’s, the fastest food restaurant in Inksville. The leader of the gang, named as, ‘Mr Hardly Dangerous’. Was left behind, buried under the dust and rubble. When interviewed at Slack D’s by The Probe, about rescuing Mr Dangerous. The gang as one, fell off their bovines laughing in hysterics. Slapping the cows and each others behinds, one of them stopped, looked very serious and replied in a drunken slur, “They sell condensed milk Slack Do’s do don’t you know, you looking at my cow?”. Then a fight started between the Hells Aliens and their slapped maddened cows. The mad cows won.
The King of Poop is Alive!
The Probe can exclusively reveal the awful truth, that the ‘King of Poop’ is alive! And that he must be really crapping it, wherever he is? Because this Probe has the latest video of Andy A Hole setting his wigs on fire and it is no accident. He is not dead and he is not ‘walking on the moon’ like his spoon Guru, St.Ink promised his fans. Persistent probing reveals the ‘King of Poops’ desperate plan of joining the richest artists that ever lived but are all now dead, by faking* his own DEATH, with the help of his long time family fizzy physician, Dr.Ink.
Dr.Ink’s involvement in this? The worlds worst artistic re-brand, ever! Is as unbelievable as the death certificate he signed and the five autopsies he performed. Incoherent, incontinent and in custody, Dr.Ink’s only slurred statement so far was, ‘eyes, nose, nothing, all gone.’ More persistent probing of Dr.Ink’s Private Places has uncovered new plastic moulding equipment and a empty bottle of Flush Gordon ** The Police have released 27 Photo Fit – I.D.s for the King of Poops possible new identity. All are paler in complexion and 27 of them have bigger noses.
The whereabouts of Andy A Hole, a.k.a. The King of Poop is as yet unknown, but rest assured, with an ego as big as his, he’ll be showing his new face off before the cows come home.
* No beans involved.
** The worlds strongest smelling bleach.
Image provided by the Alien Ink inc. Poster & Postcard
Dr.Ink’s latest fizzy, milky ink drink has creamed the competition. Coke and Pepsi, have both lost the tasteless challenge to Dr.Ink’s new carbon dated ink drink. “It’s totally adequate!” said Dr.Ink. Tasteless and now safe to drink, all without the need to think.
Why@burp and Dr.Ink
Now you can come out of the closet and from under the bed or anywhere else you’ve been hiding away in the night. Use Greystation 2000 and stand out in a crowd or just glow on your own in the corner of someones bedroom. Guaranteed to make you shine.
St.Ink’s sinful slide down to the dark-side continues to shock his congregation and all the decent hard working folk in Inksville.
The Probes exclusive on the downfall of St.Ink continues with reports of wild all night parties in the dank crypts of his church. He’s thrown the church doors wide open for all undesirables and that’s where the Hells Aliens came in. The crypts kitted out with a well stocked milk bar, pole dancing cows and gambling on the bovine racing syndicate. It looks as if the Hells Aliens are going to stay. At least until the money donated for the new roof runs out.