Bean me up, Spotty
By · CommentsStaff flipping burgers at Slack D’s Fast food restaurant are flipping mad as mad cows. All because of the Hells Aliens Bovine Gang. “Once they start on the milkshakes you know there’s going to be a bit of bother.” moaned a new employee the Aliens have nicknamed Spotty.
“They call me Pizza Face to my face and I’m the manager.” said the angry manager.
The Soap Everybody Watches
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A squeaky clean advertisement
Over the years, old soaps have been little more than “chewing-gum for the eyes” viewers have been condemned for their addiction to this so-called mindless form of entertainment. By using soap as a form of escapism.
So why is this soap for Greys so popular? Is it because it’s finally ended the segregation between the Whites and the Coloreds?
Something incredible seems to occur amongst people of any color who watch Alien Ink Soap Powder as they become united in the spirit of common things. In the time between machine wash episodes, Ink Soap viewers speculate about the directions that the clothes will tumble, then produce their own theories that can only be tested by watching the wash unfold. Regular Alien Ink Soap Powder watchers begin to regard themselves as people with a degree of mastery in their subject; positively empowered when pitted against someone less knowledgeable than themselves.
Alien Ink Soaps are unique in that watching them seems to have become a skilled activity, that demands general knowledge of soap conventions, The more one watches this soap, the more one has to do the wash on a daily basis.
Alien Ink Soap Powder is the most popular form of brain washing on the planet. It now seems that this soap has succeeded in capturing the global imagination. There may also be a chance that this soap popularity is all part of a conspiracy on the part of the producers Alien Ink. Indeed, watching a soap that one is not familiar with can be a profoundly alienating experience.
Flush, ah ahhaaaaaaaow!!!
By · CommentsThat’s the sound of a man spilling the strongest smelling bleach in the universe.
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Flush Gordon. Guaranteed to kill in 24 hours, or squirt neat, to kill on contact.
‘Consumer tests of Flush Gordon Bleach, resulted in an unfortunate double blind experiment on our abductees.’ admitted Alien Jones.
‘This is nothing to worry about.’ said Alien Smith. ‘No one will get hurt if they follow the disclaimer to the letter. The awesome killing power of Flush Gordon, the strongest smelling bleach in the universe, far outweigh the many dangers.’
Alien Smith & Jones claim to be the modern day Bleach Boys after inventing this killer app to clean the Motherships minging toilet. ‘Its true, no toilet can survive a brush with Flush Gordon.’ tweeted the Mothership. ‘If they can sell this, they’ll try and sell anything.’ she warned.
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Flush Gordon, ALIVE ? and still clinging after 24 hours. This is our new number one killer of number two’s. The scourer of the uni-bend. You can’t beat it, but you can flush it. Drains down holes in all Inkcontinents. To the rim and beyond.
Endorsed by Andy A Hole
Flush – a-ah – cleaner of the universe
Flush – a-ah – it’ll clean everyone of us
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Flush – a-ah – it’s a miracle
Flush – a-ah – cleaning the impossible
Shit Hits the Fan
By · CommentsAlien Smith launched his solo career today and says its his brother fault.
New solo album by Alien Smith, a.k.a. Loo Tenant from The Wet Shit Boys
The Wet Shitboys finally split after a huge punch-up in Inksville last night.
It’s a sad, sad day for Shit Rock as the two brothers brawling marked the end of The Summer Of Milk and Kindness, even before it began.
It all went wrong before their slot had even started with a furious backstage argument. Alien Jones stormed into the dressing room wielding a jobbie like a axe. “He nearly took my wig off with it.” Smith said.
A witness in the Wet Camp said: “It all kicked off after a few jobbies where thrown back and forward between them.” It got totally out of hand very quickly and their jobbies just exploded. Alien Smith said: “It’s with great relief to tell you that I quit this shit tonight. I simply can not go on working with Alien Jones a day longer.
But last night Alien Jones was insisting to his herd that he would keep the band going without his twin brother. The climactic row also led to Jones throwing a fat one at his brother, which splattered against a young waiting fan and his parents, shortly before they were due to go on stage.
A spokesman for the band said: “We are all just so sad that it has come to such a messy end. Those are big jobbies that I’ve got to clear up and the biggest one hit that fan.
Alien Smith blamed the Wet Shit Boys split on Alien Jones who now sings along with The Chemical Toilet Brothers.
Chocolate Fingers
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Hallelujah, praise the Lard
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In the name of the Farthest, the Soonest and the Only Sauce. Ink ink.
The Lard moves in mysterious ways
The Probe can confirm that St.Ink is out of his dank crypt and preaching forgiveness. He wants everybody to forgive him, again!!
“I saw the light”. He said when the church roof collapsed. “Then I heard from above that my wealthy friend Andy A Hole was alive. Hallelujah I screamed, as I clambered over the rubble to the street above. At that moment, I reached out for the Lard with both hands while anointing myself with the Only Sauce. Inkstantly my dank days passed over and I swore, from this day forth, that it’s the land of milk and money for me, now and forever. Ink ink”.
May the Lard be with you
Milking Time
A Midnight Mass will take place around the remains of the Church of St.Ink. Now renamed as, ‘The Little Swollen Primordial Mound of St.Ink’. St.Ink prophesied that collection plates will be passed round at the mass. He also said, “Anybody with anything to give is welcome”.
sing along
The Hells Aliens Ride Out
Even before the dust had settled from the collapsing church. All but one of the Hells Aliens had made a bigger dust cloud behind them, as they hoofed it over to Slack D’s, the fastest food restaurant in Inksville. The leader of the gang, named as, ‘Mr Hardly Dangerous’. Was left behind, buried under the dust and rubble. When interviewed at Slack D’s by The Probe, about rescuing Mr Dangerous. The gang as one, fell off their bovines laughing in hysterics. Slapping the cows and each others behinds, one of them stopped, looked very serious and replied in a drunken slur, “They sell condensed milk Slack Do’s do don’t you know, you looking at my cow?”. Then a fight started between the Hells Aliens and their slapped maddened cows. The mad cows won.
R.I.P.
Alien Resurrection
By · CommentsThe King of Poop is Alive!
The Probe can exclusively reveal the awful truth, that the ‘King of Poop’ is alive! And that he must be really crapping it, wherever he is? Because this Probe has the latest video of Andy A Hole setting his wigs on fire and it is no accident. He is not dead and he is not ‘walking on the moon’ like his spoon Guru, St.Ink promised his fans. Persistent probing reveals the ‘King of Poops’ desperate plan of joining the richest artists that ever lived but are all now dead, by faking* his own DEATH, with the help of his long time family fizzy physician, Dr.Ink.
Archive photo of Andy's first and favorite hairpiece.
Dr.Ink’s involvement in this? The worlds worst artistic re-brand, ever! Is as unbelievable as the death certificate he signed and the five autopsies he performed. Incoherent, incontinent and in custody, Dr.Ink’s only slurred statement so far was, ‘eyes, nose, nothing, all gone.’ More persistent probing of Dr.Ink’s Private Places has uncovered new plastic moulding equipment and a empty bottle of Flush Gordon ** The Police have released 27 Photo Fit – I.D.s for the King of Poops possible new identity. All are paler in complexion and 27 of them have bigger noses.
Police Photo Fit of possible new look for the ‘King of Poop’
The whereabouts of Andy A Hole, a.k.a. The King of Poop is as yet unknown, but rest assured, with an ego as big as his, he’ll be showing his new face off before the cows come home.
* No beans involved.
** The worlds strongest smelling bleach.
Andy’s artwork
scream printed on canvas
Happy Mothership Day
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Image provided by the Alien Ink inc. Poster & Postcard
Archive©
The Cola Wars are Over
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Dr.Ink’s latest fizzy, milky ink drink has creamed the competition. Coke and Pepsi, have both lost the tasteless challenge to Dr.Ink’s new carbon dated ink drink. “It’s totally adequate!” said Dr.Ink. Tasteless and now safe to drink, all without the need to think.
Why@burp and Dr.Ink
Coming out? or are you still glad to be grey?
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Now you can come out of the closet and from under the bed or anywhere else you’ve been hiding away in the night. Use Greystation 2000 and stand out in a crowd or just glow on your own in the corner of someones bedroom. Guaranteed to make you shine.
